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Dear Diary

I messed up

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- October 04, 2023

Thanks to my stupidity n anxiety I messed up my things with him

I respect his feelings but now it all feels like I said things which made him feel b

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diary

- July 17, 2021

Ur 1 msg makes me happy at times but you knw wat I can't always ask u to do these basic things for me....the basics is it alot to ask for....I am busy most of the times too but for you I can spare a moment to ask you how ur life is going...n I can't even blame you for not asking about my day or feelings ever...I deleted the messages bcuz it feels bad everytime I say smth u just never reply to that n avoid...I love you is it this difficult...I have realised while writing a letter for you the other day...you will not get time to read that either...I won't ever send u that...n yes I wrote this long msg as I am feeling really bad right now...I wonder is it all bcuz I love you n I just cannot do nything abt it or fact that u knw it... people usually make efforts for the person they love right? Why is it different in my case....either clearly I am not the one for you or u have sombdy else in ur mind.

grief

- August 19, 2023

Today I am just flowing with emotions, to be precise I cried for an hour and it's been a while that I cried so I thought if I feel like crying then I should just go ahead n cry as much as I want. At times I feel like I lost something or like somebody died...I don't know how does it feel to loose someone but may be its like this. Somebody died who never existed at first place. Death is a full stop. A fullstop that can be put anytime or any moment. I am not suicidal. I am just in this weird state of mind where I don't know how to feel. I am a widow who lost her husband who never existed. A widow who cries time to time when she realises her partner died. I can't even wait to die n meet him because he doesn't exist even in afterlife but surely I loved him so much. I miss him everyday, I miss his touch, I miss holding his hand and I miss looking at him n I miss the love he has for me. I miss our home where he waits for me. I wish you existed that I atleast felt ur presen...

Letter to Janhavi

- September 25, 2021

So It's your birthday today and I am seeing you growing everyday n every year n it's so assuring that you are becoming best version of you everyday,I don't know if I send this to you on your birthday but If I do then know that I cried so much while writing this to you,you are my strength n smtimes a reason to live on without loosing my shitt...you are so so important to me I can't tell you,there are times I meet you to just see your face so that I feel good about what I have in life,your friendship made me realise hell lot of a thing and I am also growing with you,you teach me alot n I am always greatful that I found you,don't ever misunderstand me in life when it comes to our friendship just ask me okay...always be happy and healthy that's all I want from you...I just thought I should leave you a letter every year starting this year just to say things I usually don't. You know most of it but I said it anyway, love you forever n happy birthday 🥳