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Dear Diary

I messed up

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- October 04, 2023

Thanks to my stupidity n anxiety I messed up my things with him

I respect his feelings but now it all feels like I said things which made him feel b

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happy Birthday kabir

- July 16, 2021

I thought I should write a letter for you as next month is your birthday, today is 17 July to be precise n you slept already hehe while I am writing this.i hope your days are going fine and nuthing worrying you these days...I don't know much about you but I do try to know as much as I can without being obvious...okay I don't stalk it's more like checking up on you from far...m already a far far away love...okay let's talk about your birthday may be I'll send this by 12 am so you still need to celebrate your birthday also it's kinda bad that we never get to celebrate together ever...will do that okayyy...when...don't knw as if now but we will...stop thinking okay you can try trusting me n you can take steps towards me...just know I love you enough that you can rely on me...still you need time then you can take but don't take years...n you can ask things from me if you want too...I will like it if you take interest...just saying not making you feel uncomfo...

grief

- August 19, 2023

Today I am just flowing with emotions, to be precise I cried for an hour and it's been a while that I cried so I thought if I feel like crying then I should just go ahead n cry as much as I want. At times I feel like I lost something or like somebody died...I don't know how does it feel to loose someone but may be its like this. Somebody died who never existed at first place. Death is a full stop. A fullstop that can be put anytime or any moment. I am not suicidal. I am just in this weird state of mind where I don't know how to feel. I am a widow who lost her husband who never existed. A widow who cries time to time when she realises her partner died. I can't even wait to die n meet him because he doesn't exist even in afterlife but surely I loved him so much. I miss him everyday, I miss his touch, I miss holding his hand and I miss looking at him n I miss the love he has for me. I miss our home where he waits for me. I wish you existed that I atleast felt ur presen...

diary

- July 17, 2021

Ur 1 msg makes me happy at times but you knw wat I can't always ask u to do these basic things for me....the basics is it alot to ask for....I am busy most of the times too but for you I can spare a moment to ask you how ur life is going...n I can't even blame you for not asking about my day or feelings ever...I deleted the messages bcuz it feels bad everytime I say smth u just never reply to that n avoid...I love you is it this difficult...I have realised while writing a letter for you the other day...you will not get time to read that either...I won't ever send u that...n yes I wrote this long msg as I am feeling really bad right now...I wonder is it all bcuz I love you n I just cannot do nything abt it or fact that u knw it... people usually make efforts for the person they love right? Why is it different in my case....either clearly I am not the one for you or u have sombdy else in ur mind.